Selecting a Life Partner

Selecting a Life Partner

Few years ago, my newly married female assistant Ms Kala introduced me to her husband Mr. Kailas and we chatted for a while and then left for shopping. Next day she enquired with me about my opinion about Mr. Kailas. I said: ‘Made for Each Other’. She smiled and told me: Sir, We are so much alike, there are hardly any differences. I told her politely that while Mr. Kailas is a wonderful guy he is totally different from you. Ms. Kala disagreed with my comment but we did not discuss this further.

After couple of years while having lunch together Ms Kala told me: Sir, your observation about Kailas was 100% right. We are blessed couple, he loves me very much however he is a totally different person. Your observation two years ago was right.

I gently probed and asked her to explain more. She said, He cares for me very much and knows all my weaknesses but instead of criticizing me he mentors me to overcome them. I am so lucky, to get a life partner like him.

The purpose of sharing this real life incident is very simple and straight. We need friends and life partners to mask our weakness and support us during the time of our crisis in future. Common habits, similar tastes and choices are not valid criteria for selecting a friend or a partner. So what are the ingredients or criteria for a durable and lifelong enduring relationship? I would like to quote the famous W. Somerset Maugham who said:

Quote:

Intelligence, Curiosity and Sensibility are the three pillars of a stable, enduring and intimate relationship which keeps on growing and getting better like old wine.

Unquote:

Ms Sherry Turkle is psychologist at MIT and author of ‘Evocative Objects: Things We Think With’. She says:

‘Just imagine, what will happen if we get what we want? If our pets always stay puppy-cute; if our lovers always say the sweetest things to us? If our kids are 100% polite and obedient? Our parents ever obliging too. Imagine living in utopia. If we know only cute and cuddly, we do not learn about change, growth, maturation and responsibility. If we always have a docile, submissive and accommodating partner, we will end up knowing neither the partner nor ourselves. Hence, we need a partner who keeps evolving through the relationship and questions and stretches us to grow as well.’

Golden Oriole - Valentine Day

Once upon a time, I was an avid bird watcher. Most of the Sundays, woke up early morning and joined our Group. Thane is surrounded by forest from all the sides and also has plenty of water bodies, fresh water as well as salt water. Marshy lands and creeks and all. So in a way one can call it a paradise for a bird watcher.

However, recently due to many excuses, my birding or bird watching has drastically reduced however the curious birder is still alive. While taking a morning walk at Mahindra's Learning Centre at Nashik or HPCL's MDC at Nigdi, I still attempt to identify and enjoy the early morning calls and songs. It makes feel young and great.

Today it is Sunday morning and when I looked out of my east facing window, suddenly spotted the famous Golden Oriole singing merrily and inviting his significant other to celebrate the spirit of Valentine Day! For more details, visit and also listen to his song.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Oriole

The arrival of Oriole tells us that winter is over and it is spring. It is time of arrival of raw mango. Time to enjoy the fresh mango pickle and the tangy Panha, too. Also, many delicacies using the raw mango. My mouth is watering while I write all this stuff and we go from Birds to Food. I live to eat and not eat to live types.

It is middle of February now and the Peepul tree is shedding the leaves and looks like an old man getting bald slowly. But the tree is full of green and red fruits and birds of all types more than a dozen variety and coming for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have to just spend some time at window and enjoy the music and activities. It is also the time for match making for birds and selecting sites for nesting. Busy schedule for all of them. On one hand celebrate Valentine Day and at the same time select a good site to build a nest as babies will be on the way in due course and they do not have adopted any practices to plan the family.

Story Telling

Since few weeks been travelling for work. This is the first time, been away from family for such a long period. Only contact with family was the mandatory phone call to my significant other after Dinner and exchanging notes over day’s activities at both ends. Further, on few occasions have been staying without newspapers and/or television. Instead of getting annoyed, adapted with this new situation, I enjoyed in different way catching up with some good reading. In a strange sort of way, it looked like going back to hostel days. Sometimes, the unpleasant weather conditions kept me inside the room.

Although books were there to keep me good company, it gave me plenty of time to ponder over life and in particular events during the past ten years which I could remember. Just for my reference, made few jottings and now sitting here in front of my computer trying to put all these fragments together. Now, trying to make a sense of it all. These are random thoughts which may need further thinking, probing, exploration and explanation in due course.

About Family and Story Telling:

Family according to me is like a harbor or an airport. Each one of the member is like a ship going on voyage everyday, stepping out each day for a new venture, fresh challenges. End of the day, we need to repair, recoup,

refuel and get charged for the battle of the next day. My old Army friend who is no more had a famous old Sindhi saying. One night stay at home and I am ready to fight another battle. My Home is God’s Home. While on the topic of family, I fondly recall my grand mother’s popular saying in Kannada: When crisis (Sankata) comes we need God (Venkataramana). Same way, we need family in time of crisis, therefore, it is essential to nurture our family relationships. Family is precious.

In bygone days, we all lived in groups that had old wise men and women who told stories to the young ones if they thought that those stories might be relevant to our needs. Stories from their own experiences, earlier generations, ancestors in the family and from mythology like Ramayana, Bhagwat and Mahabharata. This was useful in laying a robust foundation of values and virtues. This was called ‘Wisdom’ and it served to pass on experiences and learning of one generation to the next.

Somehow, we have become over confident and neglected this ability to learn from the stories of our elders to a certain extent, fundamentally because today we live in a much larger and faster world.

We tend to believe that wisdom is in books and in search engines to provide us instant answers to the problems we encounter. I wish it was true, but unfortunately it is not. Stories, however, help us creates values in young ones and only values can help us to face the crisis and rescue us to safety, too. We need to bring back story telling and listen to the stories.

As a HR professional, sometimes. I believe this applies to organizations too. We need to bring in story telling by Seniors. Juniors need to listen and remember only what is relevant and important. Needless to mention, ignore the rest.

Obviously and preferably over a glass of chilled Beer!

Cheers!!!